I look forward to nothing... Everyday I wake up and I am just there, going through the motions. I don't consider myself to be depressed. Is this because of ETS? Do I have something else going on? I do remember in my pre state that there would be certain days that you just wake up and feel great. Those no longer occur. I'm about to return to school and I can't even decide what to pursue for my education. Everything I want to do is ruled out because I'm forced to look for the job at the desk with an AC. The worst part is that when I am done with school, I don't see much contentment. It's an empty feeling. And what I don't understand is that deep down in my mind, I do care what I do in the future.. How do I get past the feeling of doing nothing ? I can't get rid of it.. I want to sit and lounge all day, and never go outside if it's above a certain temperature. I don't want to have to force caffeine down my body to get going. I get crazy headaches for days from caffeine withdrawals when I stop taking it.. but it's the only way that I can start moving around.. I don't know how to explain this. Let's say that in the past something would bring excitement to go to. Such as a day at the theme park or sporting event. Now if I do go, it's just to go. I don't have that excitement or joy I used to. And I don't look forward to it. Everytime I meet someone they tell me to cheer up, or that I don't look excited. They're right, my emotions are absolutely different. They're lacking.. Other than that, I feel fine. I'm having trouble understanding what is really going on. Is this really from ETS?




